Murray, Paul Mitchell, and no sleep...

So school started and it has been nothing but crazy. Fun, but crazy. I love the friends I am making. The people at the school are nothing but supportive and just wanna see you exceed. I love every moment.

Work is still crazy busy. Still getting up at like 5:30. That would be fine if school didn't keep me til 11:00. But even though I am exhausted every day, I love working in surgery. The people you meet are so cool and each story is so different. Most often the people with the most severe health conditions are just so happy to meet you, talk to you, and be around you. Even though things are so hard for them right now, they are just super happy to be here. Kinda makes you re-think about life when you're complaining about dumb crap.
"life is a journey, why waste it complaining? Just enjoy it." ~ a patient of mine.

moving to Murray was one of the best things I have ever done. I have changed in so many ways. I think moving out and going through school is really helping me discover who I am. I am discovering that I am a strong, beautiful woman who doesn't have to take crap from anyone.

There is no love life currently because between work and school, I literally have no time to sleep... So yeah boys take a back seat for a while.. Ah well. Life goes on.

Just find things that make you happy and do it because you want to.... Not for anyone else...
Love you guys!!!

Moving, school, and moving on....

So, I am moving to Murray. Murray, Utah that is. I thought my friends would be excited for me... But instead all they have done is act as though its not happening.... I don't want to leave this way but it looks like that is how its going to be. So I take a deep breath and get ready to plunge into a new chapter.

To those who have been telling me how happy they are for me,
I love you guys. I will miss spending time with you. We will still text and hang out I promise. It just won't be as often as we like...

I will miss seeing my sister everyday.. she has been so supportive and loving... even when I've royally pissed her off. I love her so much.
My bro in law has been so understanding. Taking me in when I had no where to go... I love you guys!

I start at paul mitchell cosmetology school this month and I cant tell you how excited I am.. I am literally like freaking out. I am sure my adventures there will be so much fun!

As much as moving on pains me...I have to... This is a new chapter in my life and its time I move on and become an adult.. I love you all!! Be in touch soon! Please just be happy for me... I am moving.. not dying!

Can anyone answer this question?

So today I sat in my sister's living room, sorting through my stuff,and watching how to lose a guy in ten days. I thought to myself, why can't love be like that? No matter what you do that person loves you til the end. Or when you get into a fight with your man and he comes running after you to tell you how much he cannot live without you?
I want to be standing on a bridge trying not to cry because he is telling me how much he loves me.I want the music in the background and wanting to run into his arms.
Sadly, that is not what love is.... now a days. Its not John Cusack standing in my front yard holding up a boom box, or Jake from sixteen candles waiting for you across the street, or Landon building you a telescope to see a comet you have been waiting for. Now its get the door yourself, do you mind splitting the check, or how about you drive? Is it too much to ask for some chivalry? The only man I know who ever did that was my bestie, who is now on a mission.
Can someone please transport these men into chick flick? Cuz the men of today definately need a dose of chick flick magic.
And I blame chick flicks for the lack of relationship security in the world today. Girls falsely believe that love is reallly like that. And it is SO NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL!!
All I am asking is can we get a lil dash of chivalry added back into the world?
These are the questions that plague me.
Rachael

Darkness.

So as I sat here listening to evenesence's everybody's fool, I thought to myself....this is me.... I fake to make people happy and still its never good enough. I wanna be who I am but I keep copping out for those close to me.

I have compromised my whole life. I was okay when a guy tried to take something vital from me. In fact I blamed myself. I was okay when someone close to me took pills to die and I drove her to the hospital. I was fine when she was admitted into the psych ward. I handled things til she got back. It cost me a relationship but I was okay with that because I had to be.

I have been okay with friends walking all over me since I was little. I have only had two or three constant friends since junior high. I have been okay when every guy I've ever cared about has decided he likes me better as his best friend rather than his girlfriend. I have hurt people close to me with the things I do.

I am a complete fake and there is nothing I can do about it. Then ppl tell me to calm down and that I have it easy, when everyday I resist the urge to jump off a building. I AM NOT SAYING I WOULD KILL MYSELF. Because I am stronger than that at least. I am saying I do have thoughts of what if I was gone. Would they care? I dont live for other people. I live because I want to. I will not let my loneliness defeat me. I am not weak enough to take the easy way out. Death is easy. Life is hard.

I feel alone all the time and no one is able to fix that for me. The only one that is remotely there is my savior and even then sometimes I push him away. I know he loves me always and no matter what but I find myself asking why am I so alone? Why couldn't make me in the way ppl want me to be? Why do I have to be different?

Like i said before I live for me and will never ever commit suicide, mainly because its the easy way out. I do things the hard way. Death is easy... life is hard.